The Palsy Chronicles

The Palsy Chronicles Pt. 9: Day 13: Support

There’s nothing that can really describe the bond of trust and friendship you build with someone you love. I’ve never been able to nail it down, it’s too big, but all I can do is marvel at it and appreciate it with everything I have. A pretty cool quote about it goes. 

“Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she’s the reason you wish you were an only child.” 

― Barbara Alpert

Paty, you are an amazing sidekick. Wish you were closer, but all in due time I guess. :)

The Palsy Chronicles Pt. 9: Day 12: Party.

My recovery is going incredibly well. I have complete control of my speech again, and can WHISTLE almost my full register. There are some issues with my brow still and some with my lips but my laugh and smile are almost normal looking.

Overall, considering fine motor control I would say that my impaired side is back to about 60%. up from approximately 45% yesterday. Each night of restful sleep is marking drastic jumps in overall control.

I’m down from a frustrating 14 pills a day to a much more manageable 4, soon to be none. I can’t help but thinking that my modified diet has had a lot to do with my recovery. What I’ve changed is eating less food more frequently, and pumping up my intake of raw fruits and vegetables. Kale, Celery, Carrots, Mushrooms, Tomatoes, Cactus leaf, etc… Salads every day, juicing almost every other day or so.

my eye is no longer dry in the morning and I think tomorrow I’ll leave it untaped when I sleep, as today is the first day that both of my eves are blinking in synch. 

Anyway…feeling pretty party. More updates later.

The Palsy Chronicles Pt. 8 Day 6-7

Staying positive is a snap when you hang out with awesome people! Thanks for a good time Simon, Julie, Keith,

Luke,

Nick, Adam, and Tat.

Thank you Vanessa for your kindness and support from afar, and thank all of you for reading. I had such a good day yesterday that I must have had to pay for it with a horrible case of food poisoning. I’ve been messed up all day. 

Grilled Cheese, Pizza, D.K. Dessert Dog, and Mexican food. One of those did it. I’m thinking it was the mexican food at Santeria, that’s right, the mexican food place that shares a bathroom with the strip club. lol. Ugh…

The Palsy Chronicles Pt. 7: Day 5: Gifts

Sometimes, some things in your life are so special, and so incredible, that even if your face is half paralyzed, you can feel nothing but joy and love. It was a stroke of bad luck that I got Bell’s Palsy, but It is an incredible blessing that there are people in my life that care about me like this. Thank you.

The blood is flowing.

Couldn’t have been more pleased when Spotify let me know I could listen to the new Daft Punk radio edit today.

The Palsy Chronicles Pt. 6: Day 4: Unforeseen Consequences

I woke up this morning and SWORE that I was able to move my eyebrows, and I felt like I was even smiling!!! Then I woke up a little more and went to look in the mirror.

Nothing…

I cried for what seemed like a vengefully deep and unforgiving eternity. When I got off the ground I sheepishly realized that only 10 minutes had passed…

 

I read that the sensation I had was a phantom sensation, or a remembered sensation from years of memories of smiling. In my sleep addled mind I stitched a half remembered dream into my reality, and it cost me. I just wasn’t ready for the false hope I guess. It won’t take me by surprise again, I’m keeping a mirror by the bed and my hopes are firmly in check from here on out.

One of the things I’ve always liked about myself is how much I love laughing and smiling. I make jokes and live happily. I am really fond of it. People have told me what a happy person I am, and it has always been a core component of my personality.

Now I feel like it’s locked away. For an indeterminate amount of time. As you can see from the photo above, my laugh/smile is not what it used to be. I tried to smile at a kid at work today and he cowered appealed to his mom, “What’s wrong with his face mommy? He looks scary!!” I wanted to disapear.

The mother told her little girl to “Be quiet and don’t ask so many questions!!” But it wasn’t her fault. She doesn’t understand, I don’t even fucking understand. Sorry I scared you little-girl-who-I-am-calling-penny. 

I am finding myself relating a lot to Jack Houston’s character, Richard Harrow, in Boardwalk Empire. I know it’s totally different, and I can only imagine…but still.

If I recover, I’m going to wear every smile like a badge of honor, I’m going to laugh until it hurts. When I recover, I will cherish the simple gift of control for the rest of my days. Someday I hope to see Penny again and smile at her so she can see on my face what is written on my heart.

More tomorrow, I’m tired and I have to tape my eye shut now.

The Palsy Chronicles. Pt 5: Day 3: Morale Check

The best morale exist when you never hear the word mentioned. When you hear a lot of talk about it, it’s usually lousy.
Dwight D. Eisenhower 

 

Morale is low…

 

The Palsy Chronicles. Pt 4: DAY 3: Reflection

So when symptoms of Bell’s Palsy first started to manifest in my face, for some reason I was not at all alarmed, probably because I’ve gone so long without having medical coverage of any kind (3 years) that my instinct is never to go to the doctor. My issues have usually worked themselves out in the end. One such issue that I can recall is the swelling of my upper lip, this happened about three separate times and each time it went away on it’s own, although it was drastic, grotesque and alarming to my friends and the general public. haha. I still have no idea what caused the swelling, some kind of allergy I guess. The picture has nothing to do with Bell’s Palsy, but it illustrated the severity of what I was letting slide.

I figured what the hell, this can’t really be anything serious, it’ll probably just go away on its own if I take care of myself, like anything else. I’ve also had my fair share of distrust associated with Hospitals and Doctors in general. I didn’t really mention it to anyone until many hours later, when my symptoms had fully set in. I guess I am fortunate it wasn’t a stroke. I could be in a wheelchair, I could be without the ability to speak, I could be dead. Looking back it was a stupid decision to think I could just know what was wrong and not wrong with my biorhythm when I encountered something heretofore unexperienced.

I spoke to the folks at Providence and they told me that my bill for the immediate care visit would be in the mid $200 range, they’re still shaking out the details. My prescriptions were $42.While I am still trying to recover from three months of unemployment, this is manageable, and nowhere near what I thought it was going to be.

There’s not much point to this post other than to clear my head in an organized way. It helps to organize my thoughts and get them down in a way that is accessible to ll my friends and loved ones who are curious about my progression. It also helps to take the edge off of the depression that is slowly creeping into the back of my mind. Although the chances of it are slim, this condition could stick with me forever. The thought that I may never again be able to smile normally is frightening. Terrifying.

Sigh.